Transitions

Today is the 22nd of June. Yesterday, the Summer Solstice, I did yoga in Times Square.

I am blessed to have this body, and to be able to celebrate it, to celebrate life, and to find a moment of peace with hundreds of other yogis in the always-beating heart of New York.

10 for 10

Inspired by Stef I've decided to do my own mini version of 25 goals for my 25th year. Really I'm shamelessly stealing her idea, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I don't much intend to blog about it, save this once, but I feel like making a public announcement of my intentions will help to hold me accountable.

I'm already well into my 25th year, so it seems silly to me to try to cram 25 things into 3/4 of a year. So I've shortened things a bit, trying to focus on the things that are a the top of my 'To Do' list, and in many cases, have been for quite some time. Really, I'd make one of my goals 'Stop Procrastinating' if it didn't already encompass all of them.

So here's my list- 10 things to do in 2010.

1. Get reacquainted with old friends.

No more putting off writing an e-mail, sending a text or making a phone call. My friends are scattered across the country (and the world) and I've lost touch with many of them who helped shape my life up until this point. Part of the goal is resolving to be more proactive in my friendships, instead of feeling guilty that I didn't say 'hello'.

2. Get Certified.

By the end of the year I will be a Certified Yoga Instructor. Period. I think this is the most non-negotiable of my goals.

3. Get into Shape.

My goal isn't to lose weight, fit into a smaller dress, look like Natalie Portman. I want to feel strong, and powerful. I want to feel like I did when I was fencing. I want to kick ass and take names. Mostly, I want to feel comfortable in my own body again, and secure in the knowledge that I can do what I ask of it.

4.Get Organized.

My space is in a perpetual state of chaos. It's time to change this.

5.Get a Motorcycle.

Or at least a license. I might not be able to afford a motorcycle, but I can treat myself to lessons and the license, for when I have less time to sit at the DMV for hours on end during the middle of the week.

6.Put Money in the Bank.

10,000 is the goal, which is kind of lofty considering I make only slightly above minimum wage.

7. Get Enlightened.

Or at least sit on it. That means getting my butt on the cushion, consistently, consciously, and sincerely. Making it to a DPX meeting once a month, no ifs, ands, or buts. And making it to any East Coast Silent that happens- within my budget. This also ties into number one and means connecting- and reconnecting- with my sangha, far-flung as it may be.

8. Have more Patience.

With my parents, with my friends, with my boyfriend, with the dog, with the cat, with myself. Don't let work get to me so much.

9. Get Working.

Right now this is kind of an amorphous work goal. Get Inspired. Get something I enjoy. Get something that pays better. Get something that makes me Happy. Get something that lets me be creative, and active and thoughtful. Get something where I can advance, and grow and imagine. Get something that makes me better.

10. ?

Number ten is up for grabs. I figured I should leave myself some wiggle room, I also wanted to leave room for suggestions. Something I should work on? Something I should try? Let me know.

I see you Mara.

On paper, it seemed like a pretty terrible idea.  Me in a 105 degree, 55% humidity room, doing yoga for an hour and a half.

After the fact it's still not the brightest of ideas, but that won't stop me from doing it again.

One of my co-workers talked me into it, but it didn't take much convincing; after 8 years (on and off) of yoga, I'm usually pretty open to trying something new.  I'd wanted to try Bikram for a while, even if it is a distinct departure from my normal vinyasa/ashtanga/power bend.  Ignoring the controversy over Bikram and his copyright issues, I figured it was something worth trying.  

Heat plus exercise always equals a workout, and I'm always looking for a good workout.  By the middle of the class I felt like I had already gotten exactly what I bargained for.  Barring the intense nausea (which I expected) and the lightheadedness (which I also expected) I felt pretty good.  I don't remember the last time I sweated like that.  It felt good, it beads up and rolls down your shoulder-blades, or down your temples.  

I had moments where it got to be a bit too much though.  The moments where, had I been outside (say at track or softball practice), I would have just given in to the dizziness and nausea.  But since I was in a yoga studio as a new student, I figured it best to pace myself and wait for the tumbling sensation to go away.  The temperature was about 106 in the studio today, but the humidity much higher than the usual 55%.  It's been raining for days and so that contributed to the heat, 

What surprised me most was that I didn't really notice a distinct increase in flexibility.  I think part of that probably owes a lot to the fact that I am more out of shape than I realize.  I didn't notice a change, but I suspect my baseline is not where I expect it should be at the moment.  

This Body, This Breath

I've been practicing yoga on and off for over 7 years.  After softball and fencing, I've stuck with yoga longer than anything else in my life.  Like anything else I've had ups and downs, periods of time where I wasn't practicing, or when I was but something just wasn't right.

About 3 months ago I noticed a change.  It's not that I was all of a sudden stronger or more flexible (in fact as of late it's been quite the opposite).  But all of a sudden the pieces have come together.  

I'm finally, after all this time, feeling connected to my breath.  

It's finally clicked.  I've finally gotten to the point where I don't think about it (so much) anymore.  I can finally exhale and just let my muscles relax around my bones in down-dog.  I can finally feel the inhale pull me into up-dog.  I finally feel the rise and fall of my breath carry me through sun salutation.  I think it's finally given me a piece of the peace that yoga promises.

I'm not sure how this will change my relationship to yoga in the future.  I've wanted to teach for a while now, but I wanted to teach yoga without it having the hippie, new-agey, crystals and candles feel.  Yoga has always made me feel powerful and I want other people to experience that same strength.  I've never thought of yoga as anything more than an opportunity for a focused, dedicated workout.  To me, my meditation practice complimented my yoga practice, but they weren't different means to the same end.  I turned to yoga for balance, strength, flexibility, poise, and grace, but I was never really looking for peace.  

Maybe it's not really peace, but that purest of focuses.  That kind of single pointedness where everything has just come together. Maybe this is really what I've been striving for all along as an athlete.  

It's the click.