Everything I Never Wanted

The past few days I've had a chance to take a good look at my life. Things are good for the most part. I have a job, which means a steady income. I'm doing well in my graphic design class. I'm healthy(ish). I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

But everything I have feels in some way or another everything I never wanted. I'm still sitting there saying to myself 'this isn't the way things were supposed to be', even if it doesn't have that same feeling of desperation that it did 3 months ago.

I have an office job, customer service actually. I have to dress in 'work clothes' every day. Dress pants, nice shirts, high heels. I sit in a mini-cubicle with a brand new phone and nameplate velcro-ed to the fabric covered partition that divides my desk from my boss'. I have an extension... x1125. I clock in and clock out. I grab hot water out of the coffee machine and make nearly undrinkable tea on my break. I work for a company with training manuals and headsets and sexual harassment videos.

By all accounts I should hate my job.

I don't hate it though.

That's not to say I love it and want to make a career out of it, but it doesn't suck.

I never thought I would be anything but miserable in a job like that. The thought of what is ostensibly a corporate 9-5 would have made me cringe while I was in college, but now it's just a necessary not-so-evil. I have moments when I get frustrated and castigate myself for going against some loose anti-establishment ideals I feel like I'm selling out on. Most of the time though I recognize it's just practicality. I took the opportunity that was offered to me, even if it isn't what I thought I wanted.

Does that mean I'm officially an adult? Making decisions based in what's practical rather than what I want in my 'ideal' world? Is there any turning back from that? Can we go from being practical, taking the job we don't love, paying our bills, putting money in the bank, and worrying about our credit score, back to "I'm going to save/beautify/inspire/explore the world"? Are the two mutually exclusive in the first place? Is there a way to find balance between practical and ideal; a way to keep your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds and to be happy with the whole situation? Now that I have my Office Space-esque job is it possible to still keep my feel-good movie dreams?

I guess the problem is that I'm so afraid of losing my dreams.  I'm not even really sure what I want out of life, but I'm worried that I'll end up settling for something less.  I don't want to wake up in 25 years wishing I had done ___.  I want to wake up in 25 years and think 'THAT was fun.  I can't wait until tomorrow".