Glitter and Glue

Skipping over Thanksgiving and moving right onto Christmas-

I'm not religious. Big surprise there, but I enjoy holidays that combine eating, drinking, and crafting with friends and [my very small] family.  I especially enjoy what happens when I combine my friends, a room full of craft supplies and spiked cider.

I want to thank everyone who came out, made ornaments, drank cider and watched movies full of glitter and Tom Cruise thighs.  Sure, I could have a 'normal' Christmas tree, but I much prefer mine, decorated with zombie santas, flying spaghetti monster homages, DNA, and enough glitter for a beauty pageant.

pdn PHOTOPLUS

This weekend was pdn's expo at the Jacob Javitz Center. There were a couple hundred exhibitor booths, spanning the range of photo products from Canon and Nikon to Lowepro,  Epson,  Ilford, and Zeiss.

Leica was there.  Theirs were the only spokespeople in suits. And the only cameras behind glass.  Of course.

Sony set up a half-pipe in the convention center and had 3 or 4 BMX riders doing (small) tricks all day.

Nikon's models were the only ones who managed not to look bored all day long.  Even the BMX riders seemed particularly apathetic to being in the spotlight.

Hoodman had a giant inflatable Hoodloupe that took up their entire exhibition space.  It had to be 15 feet high.

I have never seen so many amateur camera nerds in one place.  I have also never bumped into so many cameras and lenses.  Tight spaces plus expensive lenses equals a bad idea.


Even though I was mesmerized by it, I don't need or even have use for a 4k Steadicam mount, I did see a few products I'm really interested in actually picking up in the near future.

• Spider Holster - Possibly the most ingenious new idea for carrying an SLR.  They're coming out with a lighter weight plastic model they've dubbed the 'Black Widow' for smaller- think Canon Rebel- DSLR's and point-and-shoots.  They also get bonus points for being Ithacans.  
• Another 'why didn't anyone think of that before' was the SteadePod.  It helps turn you into your own tripod.  Very minimalist, and certainly small enough to fit in any camera bag, it was a very cool little invention. I'm not sure how durable it'd be, but it's cheap enough that it wouldn't break the bank to replace.
• Lensbaby.  Want.  I don't think there's much more that needs to be said about this product.  It's amazing and wonderful and has a lens and optic combination for every personality type. (I'd love to have The Composer myself)
• Digital Silver Gelatin Prints! Amazing, beautiful, archival digital prints.
• Wacom's Intuos 4.  I spent a while watching demos of the Intuos 4.  It' a really powerful little (or not so little) tablet. Plus, more importantly, You can rotate the tablet 180° for either right- or left-hand use of the hotkeys!

All-in-all it was a really interesting day. Definitely worth the time spent there.  I'm excited to make use of my new G12 and start taking some photos again.

Halloween

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Bandit

October 2007

As of Tuesday, I've had Bandit for three Years.  Couldn't imagine a better dog.  A lot's happened in those three years.  I couldn't imagine them without him.

TenTenTen

Happy Ten/Ten/Ten

Merriam and Webster - Foment

Foment 

: to promote the growth or development of : rouse, incite <foment a rebellion>

“foment a Rebellion and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice or Representation”.>

Thanks Gabriel Garcia Marquez for getting this word stuck in my head.

Merriam and Webster - Vacillate

Vacillate 

1: to sway through lack of equilibrium b : fluctuate, oscillate

2: to waver in mind, will, or feeling : hesitate in choice of opinions or courses 

I credit my parents - especially my mother- with my unwavering love of language. Because of my love affair with words, sometimes I get stuck on one or another.  

Lately, vacillate keeps trying to beat me up and steal my lunch money.

Make:

Guerilla Crochet in the Rocket Park

I was lucky enough to be able to spend the day at Maker Faire yesterday.  I can't even begin to say how amazing and inspiring it was, not to mention a little overwhelming.

There was a lot of stuff that I'm really excited about:

• TechShop opening a location in Brooklyn
• The possibility of getting my own Makerbot.
• Everything about Shapeways.
• Make Magazine for $20 for a year.
• The realization that a laser cutter isn't completely out of my price range.
• ShopBot.  'Nuff said.
• The Tom Kha Gai recipe from Instructables.

Maker Faire did get my wheels turning though.  It made me realize that maybe, just maybe, art can actually be something I do for love and for money without it necessarily being something I do for someone else.

Added to my stash-  I talked yarn, Mike talked computers.

Hello Perverts!

Summer

8/26/2010 - Number 3

Job Search

This is what I see when I look at my own resume.

10 FOR 10 Update

It's more than halfway through 2010, so it's probably a good time to take an inventory of where I stand with this year's goals.

1. Get reacquainted with old friends.

I've been better, but there's still a long way to go. Alumni Banquet helped, but I have definitely slipped agian. I am planning a trip to North Carolina in September for just this purpose.

2. Get Certified.

Still not there. But working on it. Well thinking about working on it. I'm trying to figure out exactly which direction to go, which program to do, and how it all will work with my schedule.

3. Get into Shape.

Status Quo, although I'm signing up for a new gym this week and will be trying to get there at least 3 days a week before work. I've also been doing yoga, but it's a vicious cycle. I'm frustrated that I'm not in the shape I used to be in, and I'm afraid of pushing too hard and getting hurt. I'm shotting for halloween now- and a LeeLoo costume that will leave little to the imagination.

4.Get Organized.

Status Quo, sadly.

5.Get a Motorcycle.

Status Quo. Although now that I will shortly be off Sundays, I'm going to try to find time to sit at the DMV for my permit test again, and the money for the weekend class for my license.

6.Put Money in the Bank.

More than halfway there, although with yoga and a motorcycle license on my 'To Do' list, I don't think I'm going to make it.
In the same thread, all my credit cards are paid off, so I no longer have that debt looming over my head.

7. Get Enlightened.

Status Quo. I feel like I've barely thought about this one, much less addressed it.

8. Have more Patience.

Again, Status Quo. I thought I was doing well, but the last few weeks have been kind of frustrating. I've been very short with everyone and everything. Work has reached a tipping point, and I'm just feeling frustrated and a little out of control. I know my time management has been really horrible lately as well, which as caused me no small amount of stress.

9. Get Working.

Work has been rather frustrating lately, and I've reached the point that I do seriously need to start my job search again. I feel a bit stunted by the fact that I'm trying to do so much. I have, occasionally, been working on things in Illustrator and Photoshop (as well as some knitting), some of which I'm rather proud of. So at least I have a start.

10. ?

Still up for grabs, I haven't found something else that I want to focus on this year. With everything else I set out to do languishing half-finished or barely started, I'm not sure I've even have time to add something else to this list.

Big Brother- Fin

It's taken me a while to actually bring myself to sit down at write this post. I was so happy relieved to be done with the Accutane that I just didn't want to sit down and relive the exerience, even to sum-up it up.

I am done though; after however many months, I'm done - for now.

I didn't get the results I wanted, but it did some good. My skin is definitely clearer, it just not clear enough. It doesn't seem like it was worth the cost, the stress, all the hoops to jump through for mediocre results.

Will I do it again, if needs be? Maybe. I don't relish the though, but I knew going into this that it was a last resort. It might just take a couple of tries to get the results I want.

Transitions

Today is the 22nd of June. Yesterday, the Summer Solstice, I did yoga in Times Square.

I am blessed to have this body, and to be able to celebrate it, to celebrate life, and to find a moment of peace with hundreds of other yogis in the always-beating heart of New York.

Big Brother Continues

I sat in my car today outside my dermatologist's office and cried.

Yes, I'm pmsing. Yes, I haven't gotten much sleep lately. But still, I walked out of the office, sat down in my car, locked the door and cried.

I can't even put into words how frustrated and disappointed I am right now. I wanted to do some silly Mastercard commercial-esque quantitative list of what this medication has cost me in time, and energy, and money; how many countless hours spent waiting in the dermatologist's office, or how many ridiculous questions I've answered online just to pick up my prescription, but I don't have the energy.

After 8 months on Accutane I've still got acne. Or rather more appropriately, I've got acne again. 8 months of medication whose only purpose is to clear up my skin and I'm still breaking out. It seems pretty reasonable right now to feel like I've wasted my time. My skin is better, I will certainly admit that, but it's anything but clear.

According to my dermatologist some people just have 'stubborn' acne. Apparently Accutane is really only effective for 2/3 of people. There's that other 1/3 of us whose bad skin is just more resilient. Lovely. Leave it to me to have recursive acne. That's just want I want to hear after spending hundreds of dollars on this escapade.

I'm so frustrated and disappointed right now I don't even know... I don't blame the nurses at the dermatologist for being so optimistic at the beginning. It helped me feel like maybe there was something to be optimistic about. I mean it's their job to make people feel like everything's going to be ok. I mean they had a 2 out of three chance of being right, right? (I do really like the nurses at my dermatologist, much more than like my dermatologist actually. She's too awkwardly cold and clinical. It's a stark contrast from the bubbly nurses).

So now, yet again, I'm down to 'just one more month', which puts me in the middle of May. 9 (or is it only 8? I honestly don't remember) months after I started this whole ordeal. Either way it's been too long. I acquiesced to another month, despite my frustration, in part, I think, because I'm so afraid that as soon as I go off the medication my acne will come back in force, just as bad, if not worse, than it was before.

I can't be on it much longer though. My skin just won't heal anymore. cuts and scrapes take months to close over. And even then they do, they leave discolored splotches. It's funny to re-read what I'm writing now and compare it to how optimistic I was even just a month ago. I feel like all the advances I made have all fallen by the wayside.

Maybe the depression symptoms they've associated with Accutane were in that 1/3. Maybe it's not a side-effect of the medication, but a side-effect of it's ineffectiveness. Either way, I'll be glad to be done with it, whenever the end is.

Big Brother Part 5

So I'm nearing the end of this whole business. Maybe, I think. Supposedly I'll only be on the Accutane for another few weeks. I'm looking forward to not having to deal with my painfully dry skin, cracked lips or the monthly sties that keep popping up (I just got a new one yesterday, my eye is pretty badly swollen this morning. Thankfully I still have medication from the last two times).

I'm at the point that I see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of no longer needing to take the medication or deal with the side effects, but I'm not really happy. My skin's not as clear as I want it to be. It's not just that it hasn't healed yet... that comes and goes, but more that I'm still getting breakouts.

I was always under the impression that Accutane was some sort of miracle drug. You'd think that too if you heard the way my dermatologist and the nurses in her office talk about it. From the beginning they ooh'ed and ahh'ed about how wonderful the results are and how beautiful my skin would look. 8 months in I just don't see it. I don't see the smooth, glowing complexion that everyone swore this drug would give me. Don't get me wrong, there is a world of difference between the way my skin looked when I started and they way it looks now. It's a long way off from permanent breakouts of cystic acne; it's way less painful, even with the dry skin, chapped lips and eczema. It's just not perfect.

I'm disappointed.

I know I have to make the best of this, but I don't want to have to keep up with creams and lotions and medications after I'm done with this. I also really don't want to have to do another round of Accutane, jumping through all the hoops just to get a prescription in the first place, dealing with the onslaught of side-effects, and the vampire-ness that it requires.

I have at least another few weeks on the medication (my next appointment is on the 19th) and I'm sure quite a bit of time using all sorts of stuff to make me skin heal-

-Just as an aside, the last prescription she gave me was for Bionect, which, when filled generically comes in a large plastic bottle that looks more like it should be in a laboratory than on the shelves of a pharmacy. No money was wasted on package degsign here. It's just a plain clear bottle, filled with a clear gel, proudly proclaiming Sodium Hyaluronate .02 %.-

I guess I just need to keep waiting, like I have been. Maybe, in the end it'll all wok out.

Winter

Big Brother Part. 4

5 months in. Or is it 4? Or 6?

It feels like it's been forever and generally, I'm just sick of being on this medication. Otherwise though, there isn't anythnig epic to write about. My skin's still dry, my lips are still dry, the soap in the bathroom at work irritates my hands to a ridiculous degree. I've got prescription moisturizer, prescription steroid cream, and a deep regret I didn't buy stock in baby oil when I went on this medication.

I've gotten over the whiny "why isn't it working yet?" phase I went through last month and have kind of resigned myself to just taking the pills every day, regardless of the result.

Tuesday though, for the first time, I could actually look in the mirror and almost convince myself that my skin was healing. There is a glimmer of hope in this whole mess. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be done with this whole process by May. Just in time for a trip to Ithaca.

10 for 10

Inspired by Stef I've decided to do my own mini version of 25 goals for my 25th year. Really I'm shamelessly stealing her idea, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I don't much intend to blog about it, save this once, but I feel like making a public announcement of my intentions will help to hold me accountable.

I'm already well into my 25th year, so it seems silly to me to try to cram 25 things into 3/4 of a year. So I've shortened things a bit, trying to focus on the things that are a the top of my 'To Do' list, and in many cases, have been for quite some time. Really, I'd make one of my goals 'Stop Procrastinating' if it didn't already encompass all of them.

So here's my list- 10 things to do in 2010.

1. Get reacquainted with old friends.

No more putting off writing an e-mail, sending a text or making a phone call. My friends are scattered across the country (and the world) and I've lost touch with many of them who helped shape my life up until this point. Part of the goal is resolving to be more proactive in my friendships, instead of feeling guilty that I didn't say 'hello'.

2. Get Certified.

By the end of the year I will be a Certified Yoga Instructor. Period. I think this is the most non-negotiable of my goals.

3. Get into Shape.

My goal isn't to lose weight, fit into a smaller dress, look like Natalie Portman. I want to feel strong, and powerful. I want to feel like I did when I was fencing. I want to kick ass and take names. Mostly, I want to feel comfortable in my own body again, and secure in the knowledge that I can do what I ask of it.

4.Get Organized.

My space is in a perpetual state of chaos. It's time to change this.

5.Get a Motorcycle.

Or at least a license. I might not be able to afford a motorcycle, but I can treat myself to lessons and the license, for when I have less time to sit at the DMV for hours on end during the middle of the week.

6.Put Money in the Bank.

10,000 is the goal, which is kind of lofty considering I make only slightly above minimum wage.

7. Get Enlightened.

Or at least sit on it. That means getting my butt on the cushion, consistently, consciously, and sincerely. Making it to a DPX meeting once a month, no ifs, ands, or buts. And making it to any East Coast Silent that happens- within my budget. This also ties into number one and means connecting- and reconnecting- with my sangha, far-flung as it may be.

8. Have more Patience.

With my parents, with my friends, with my boyfriend, with the dog, with the cat, with myself. Don't let work get to me so much.

9. Get Working.

Right now this is kind of an amorphous work goal. Get Inspired. Get something I enjoy. Get something that pays better. Get something that makes me Happy. Get something that lets me be creative, and active and thoughtful. Get something where I can advance, and grow and imagine. Get something that makes me better.

10. ?

Number ten is up for grabs. I figured I should leave myself some wiggle room, I also wanted to leave room for suggestions. Something I should work on? Something I should try? Let me know.

Wisdom

Forgiveness means letting go of the burning ember that is anger.  It doesn't mean inviting them in to hurt you again.  

I am trying to remember this lesson.

And more importantly, put it into practice.