Big Brother Part. 4

5 months in. Or is it 4? Or 6?

It feels like it's been forever and generally, I'm just sick of being on this medication. Otherwise though, there isn't anythnig epic to write about. My skin's still dry, my lips are still dry, the soap in the bathroom at work irritates my hands to a ridiculous degree. I've got prescription moisturizer, prescription steroid cream, and a deep regret I didn't buy stock in baby oil when I went on this medication.

I've gotten over the whiny "why isn't it working yet?" phase I went through last month and have kind of resigned myself to just taking the pills every day, regardless of the result.

Tuesday though, for the first time, I could actually look in the mirror and almost convince myself that my skin was healing. There is a glimmer of hope in this whole mess. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be done with this whole process by May. Just in time for a trip to Ithaca.

10 for 10

Inspired by Stef I've decided to do my own mini version of 25 goals for my 25th year. Really I'm shamelessly stealing her idea, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I don't much intend to blog about it, save this once, but I feel like making a public announcement of my intentions will help to hold me accountable.

I'm already well into my 25th year, so it seems silly to me to try to cram 25 things into 3/4 of a year. So I've shortened things a bit, trying to focus on the things that are a the top of my 'To Do' list, and in many cases, have been for quite some time. Really, I'd make one of my goals 'Stop Procrastinating' if it didn't already encompass all of them.

So here's my list- 10 things to do in 2010.

1. Get reacquainted with old friends.

No more putting off writing an e-mail, sending a text or making a phone call. My friends are scattered across the country (and the world) and I've lost touch with many of them who helped shape my life up until this point. Part of the goal is resolving to be more proactive in my friendships, instead of feeling guilty that I didn't say 'hello'.

2. Get Certified.

By the end of the year I will be a Certified Yoga Instructor. Period. I think this is the most non-negotiable of my goals.

3. Get into Shape.

My goal isn't to lose weight, fit into a smaller dress, look like Natalie Portman. I want to feel strong, and powerful. I want to feel like I did when I was fencing. I want to kick ass and take names. Mostly, I want to feel comfortable in my own body again, and secure in the knowledge that I can do what I ask of it.

4.Get Organized.

My space is in a perpetual state of chaos. It's time to change this.

5.Get a Motorcycle.

Or at least a license. I might not be able to afford a motorcycle, but I can treat myself to lessons and the license, for when I have less time to sit at the DMV for hours on end during the middle of the week.

6.Put Money in the Bank.

10,000 is the goal, which is kind of lofty considering I make only slightly above minimum wage.

7. Get Enlightened.

Or at least sit on it. That means getting my butt on the cushion, consistently, consciously, and sincerely. Making it to a DPX meeting once a month, no ifs, ands, or buts. And making it to any East Coast Silent that happens- within my budget. This also ties into number one and means connecting- and reconnecting- with my sangha, far-flung as it may be.

8. Have more Patience.

With my parents, with my friends, with my boyfriend, with the dog, with the cat, with myself. Don't let work get to me so much.

9. Get Working.

Right now this is kind of an amorphous work goal. Get Inspired. Get something I enjoy. Get something that pays better. Get something that makes me Happy. Get something that lets me be creative, and active and thoughtful. Get something where I can advance, and grow and imagine. Get something that makes me better.

10. ?

Number ten is up for grabs. I figured I should leave myself some wiggle room, I also wanted to leave room for suggestions. Something I should work on? Something I should try? Let me know.

Wisdom

Forgiveness means letting go of the burning ember that is anger.  It doesn't mean inviting them in to hurt you again.  

I am trying to remember this lesson.

And more importantly, put it into practice.